The View from the Lake...disconnected

The overwhelming feeling for me from the past 6 weeks has been one of being disconnected - from my husband, from our home in IL, from my oldest daughter, from my life as it was in the past and as it may be in the future - from many things.

Our 6 weeks at the lake are nearly over. One week from today we'll be in NYC, sightseeing, seeing Beauty and the Beast on Broadway, and getting ready to fly to Frankfurt on August 5. It's taken a long time to get to this point, and I think our family, at least most of us, are ready to make the move.

Our last week in IL was chaos. Dh flew to Germany on June 19, leaving me with a cold he'd been fighting for over a week and facing the arrival of the movers on Wednesday, June 21. The first day, the movers packed our family room, my office (except for my computer, the modem and phone) and then moved upstairs to our front room, living room, dining room and master bedroom. The hardest part for me was not seeing the empty house or worrying about our things getting broken, but rather not having any place to be or anything to do.

The first day, I played cards w/dds #2&3 at the kitchen table. We moved to the hotel that afternoon, as my bedroom was already packed. DD#1 was enjoying the freedom of having my car at her disposal, since I had dh's car, so we saw little of her over those last 3 days. Fortunately, we had good friends to see and say good-bye to during that time.

Our good friend Harmony came to the hotel on Wednesday evening and cut hair for dds #2&3. DD#2 had 10 inches cut off, which she mailed to Locks of Love, and which made a huge difference in her appearance. In fact, when the girls went to the hotel waterpark, the life guard thought she was dd#3's mother.

On Thursday, we had dinner with 2 sets of neighbors across the street and on Friday, we had dinner with another neighbor family at their house. It was great to be able to spend time with them, especially at their garage sale on Friday when we had no where to sit and were just in the way at our house, when the movers were loading the container. We were able to catch up with several other friends over these last few days, which brought on some tearful good-byes, but was also fun for everyone. DD#2 had an especially good time when she and her sisters went swimming at one of her guy friend's houses and then they walked to town for lunch and he came to her last softball game. She said good-bye to her best friend on Friday while I had a tearful good-bye with her best friend's mother.

The drive to upstate NY was not a good one, since I was so sick with bronchitis. I had been to the doctor for antibiotics the Monday before the movers arrived and got new antibiotics on Friday, but neither seemed to make a big difference for me. We stopped in Erie, PA the first night, after driving about 8 hours, because I just didn't feel up to driving any more. When we pulled into the hotel, my oldest sister called to tell me our cousin had died of a heart attack that day, at age 58.

We drove the remaining 3 1/2 hours to our cottage on Sunday. My niece Lauren and her friend were waiting for us when we arrived and helped unload our groceries and suitcases from the car, in addition to helping us clean the cottage enough to make lunch. I was very glad to see them, as I was still feeling lousy. That evening, Lauren & her friend took dds#2&3 to Olean, about 2 hours away, to see my 3rd sister at her church's youth choir concert. I was so beat I fell asleep before the girls even got home. After getting up at 6 a.m. for swimming lessons the next 2 days, I was back to the doctor's office for steroids and a nebulizer treatment. I'm still struggling some with my asthma, even after more than a month.

I was very happy to be able to spend so much time with my oldest sister's family, especially her 3-year-old granddaughter and brand new grandson. The girls had a wonderful time with the little kids, who also offered a break to me from the girls squabbling with each other. But, in truth, I've been missing dh & dd#1, and have felt our family has been more disconnected than usual.

Although I usually bring the girls to our cottage for 3-4 weeks each summer, dh is usually able to join us for one of those weeks, so we're only apart for 2-3 weeks. This year, it was 5 weeks from the time dh left for Germany until he and dd#1 flew in this past Sunday. That was just too long, for both of us. Dh said he was lonely after first staying in our empty house in IL, sleeping on a mattress borrowed from our neighbors, and then staying in our empty house in Frankfurt, sleeping on a newly purchased futon. I think the fact that his job has been in flux has contributed to his feeling disconnected as well, as he really hasn't started much of his new job yet, and many of the people reporting to him are on or going soon on vacation, as August is vacation time in Germany.

I'm still feeling alittle disconnected from dd#1. During her month in IL, she was busy with summer school, extra reading, going to parties, seeing movies, and doing all kinds of fun stuff with her friends. She sounded very happy, but didn't seem to have time or the inclination to call or email me often, so I've really been missing her. Even when I called her, she didn't ever have much time to talk to me. I don't know if she was subconsciously avoiding me because I reminded her of the impending move or what, but it was hard on me to be so out of touch with her. Now that she's here, she's been sad and tired, tied to her cell phone and laptop, spending most of her time alone. She writes letters to her friends back in IL, but really hasn't spent much time with the family here. We all play games in the evening, but she shuts herself up in her room a lot. Of course, she had fun at the outlet mall with us, but I still feel she's disconnected from us right now. I don't want to push too much, as I know she's feeling heartbroken about the move. As much as I wish she didn't spend so much time talking on the cell phone, I don't have the heart to ask her to stop, as that's being shut off next week anyway. I looked at the gifts she got from her friends and listen to the stories about the parties and fun things they did, but wish she'd ask more about the family, talk with her sisters, and spend some time interacting with the rest of us. Hopefully this isn't a sign of trouble to come. I know the first 6 months or so after the move with involve a lot of mood swings and plenty of bad days, but I'd hoped she'd at least be as happy to be at the lake and see the family as she usually is.

Tonight we have good friends coming from Mass. to spend the weekend with us. We're going to go to the wineries tomorrow and then have dd#3's 11th birthday party. On Saturday, we're going to go tubing and out in the boat, as well as going to a local fair and anything more that comes along, depending on the weather. Even though my 3rd sister goes back to SC on Saturday, it should be a fun weekend and hopefully everyone will be excited enough after this to begin getting packed and cleaned up before we leave for NYC on Thursday.

I hope that a few days of sightseeing and shows in NYC will not only be fun for the girls but also give them some time away from everything to get excited about the move. I'm ready - it's been a long time coming and I'm getting tired of waiting for the next part of our lives to begin. I hope that the girls can look at this way and that dh and I will be able to help them enjoy the ride.